Barbs Over Coffee
by SquirrelLuvsPnut
Summary: Rize was the only one who could put him in his place.


He spoke incessantly. His pouty full lips never taking a single respite from his nonstop chatter. Rize had often commiserated the fact that Tsukiyama had been born a ghoul. Had he been a human, Rize would have taken much delight in tearing those plump lips off his face and feeling them slither down her throat. She chose to associate with him because he was one of the few ghouls she had met in the 20th ward that had half a brain. Tsukiyama could be quite engaging and she admitted to herself that she enjoyed spending time with him. Most ghouls had no interest in literature and Tsukiyama had a well-established fondness for the written word. However, intelligent and refined as he was, Rize often wondered if he had a lobotomy at birth.

She found herself sighing rather loudly. So loudly that Tsukiyama stopped speaking and gave her a tight smile. "Am I boring you today, Kamishiro-san?" Rize spoke through a yawn. "Oh just a little, but don't worry about it." She took a sip of her coffee as she watched Tsukiyama's entire body tense up in anger, yet still retaining his strained smile. How hard he tried to remain a gentleman! It was adorable really. A ghoul that nearly everyone in the 20th ward feared and yet she was the only one who could push his buttons sufficiently and reduce him to a petulant child.

Tsukiyama sat back farther in his seat. He touched the tips of his fingers together in mock interest. "S'il vous plait, pardonnez-moi Kamishiro-san. Perhaps you would rather discuss how many tons of unsorted offal you have had the luck to suck down your gullet this week?" Rize had to stifle a laugh. Such a pissy mood our dear Tsukiyama was in! The binge eater had been called every name in the book by other ghouls. Pig seemed to be the collective favorite. Such petty words meant absolutely nothing to Rize. Barbs such as that were just mere pebbles being thrown by frightened children. Tsukiyama knew this more than anyone, but when he got into one of his mood s he seemed to forget whom he was speaking to.

Rize smiled and removed her glasses. "Oh Tsukiyama-kun, you know there is nothing more I would rather hear about then who is the latest target of your revolving door of obsessions. Tell me; is it a man or a woman this week? What attribute do they possess that you cannot possibly live without until the next one comes along?" To Rize (and to most ghouls), food was food. You never saw a lion feverishly scrutinize which antelope it should eat, so why in the world should a ghoul (although she did favor cute looking males)? Tsukiyama's picky eating habits were not only bizarre, they were downright perverted.

Tsukiyama remained silent for a long time. He crossed his arms and drummed his fingertips on his forearm as he leaned forward. "I wouldn't expect an uncouth swine such as yourself to understand." This time, Rize allowed herself a little chuckle. She slid forward in her seat to meet Tsukiyama's gaze. "You are correct. I was not born with a silver spoon jammed up my ass like you. How in the world could I understand something so frivolously neurotic? To be so hopelessly saturated in luxury that I have to find something akin to a shooting star to make me feel anything other than boredom? How right you are, Tsukiyama-kun. I am nothing more than a pig content to happily eat her grain while you search fruitlessly for something to fill the void within you. Oh. How we all envy you."

Tsukiyama was speechless, his mouth hung open slightly. He had no retort. While Tsukiyama sat slack jawed, Rize finished up her coffee and gathered up her coat. She gave Tsukiyama a sweet smile. "I enjoyed our little discussion today. I trust you will cover the bill." As she moved to walk towards the door she stopped and patted him on the shoulder. "Or better yet, send it to mommy and daddy." Tsukiyama snapped out of his stupor and turned to say something but was cut off by a quick kiss on the cheek. She waved a hand behind her as she walked out. "Until next time!"


End file.
